Been unemployed for a while, it's quite a bummer. I need to find a new job, any job, maybe not a plumber. I'll send CVs everywhere, except McDonald's. But most places don't even care, they throw away resumés, don't want us. Then, after all this time... I got an interview. I look pathetic in a shirt and tie, it's sad but true. And in the waiting room I wonder what I'm meant to do. What position I'm applying for, I must admit I don't remember at all. Getting more anxious of the job interview. "Come in, sit down, have a drink, we'll judge your handshake." Maybe I shouldn't have bowed, is that allowed? Is that considered a mistake? "We see you think of yourself as proactive" I wasn't ready for that line, I'll stall for time, say that I got distracted. I guess I'm doing fine at this interview. I should be better than the other guys you've interviewed. But I'm forgetting what the websites had said to do. Making out just like I've got no flaws, It's pretty obvious I'm clutching at straws, Trying to look less dumb. Can I work for you? "What is your greatest weakness?" Answering questions that make no sense. (Oh, burn.) "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" Unemployed, trying to get... an interview. "Thank you, we'll see you out to the door, don't call us - we'll call you." Jobseeking isn't such a cozy life, it eats at you, Not knowing what kind of career path you're going through, Maybe I'll return to college for Some further studies 'cause the bastards never called, Guess I'm just waiting for, my next interview, so stressed, it's a futile test, the interview.

Making a cosplay, Making-up my face, To look like an anime star. But I'm not Asian; I'm just a Gaijin. A white boy who's trying too hard. Stitching up clothing, Needles and scissors, Who knew that sewing was hard? Pin it together; Plastic and leather. Everything's falling apart. Low-budget wigs are so cheesy. Contact lenses? They cost too much. Don't let my mum and dad see me. Making a fool of myself, trying to be, Some guy from Street Fighter 3. I made a cosplay: Zetsubou-Sensei, from that TV show I love. Vie for attention, At the convention. Try to get photo'd a lot. But there's Princess Toadstool, Natsu & Deadpool, Everyone knows who they are. BBC Sherlock, The whole cast of Homestuck, And Captain Jean-Luc Picard. Nobody knows who I came as. I thought it was mainstream enough. Everyone else is more famous. And though it pains me to say, oh well: Next time I'll cosplay as L. Eru. Watashi wa Eru desu.

Based on Style by Taylor Swift video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouiPXTbpN4A Online, there's a type of person you'll come by. They like One Direction, crumpets, and Stephen Fry. And they'll get into (OH) any English thing you could tell them to. Like Mighty Boosh. They're all watching BBC and they Are drinking Earl Grey tea and they Wanna go around the London Eye. Sat up in postered bedrooms around the world, There's myriad purple-haired seventeen-year-old girls, Posting about crooked teeth, Oasis and Blur, These internet Anglophiles, The internet Anglophiles. See them on Tumblr, Twitter, Livejournal too, They only watch Merlin, Sherlock and Doctor Who, We're calling them Britaholics or Teaboos, but really they're Anglophiles, They're really just Anglophiles. They all crave a plummy accent from a bony face. Mmm. Maybe they are the only way I could get laid. Hmm, yeah... And they've authored (OH) stupid fanfic about the Harry Potter world - with a lot of words. They love the royal family and the Beatles and David Bowie and they Have Monty Python sketches in mind. CHORUS So bake a scone Say "Tally ho!" And make it known If you're one of them ANGLOPHILES They came for Shakespeare, Top Gear, Lord of the Rings, Each one of the Bronté Sisters, so many things, Yeah, there's a new British Empire, forming online, With internet Anglophiles. There's infinite Anglophiles.

Reading is rad, But the books that I've had Only sit on my shelves. I'm bankrupting myself With the price I pay. There must be some other way. I wanna read All kinds of genres From crime mysteries To the Mr. Men books But without the cost And there's this place I've come across That is happy to provide. Gonna get some books, you know just where to look to find me, I'll be, in the library. Making my requests and speaking softly and politely In the public library. Almost got a fine, But just about returned those books on time. If I seem to need to read then you should just remind me To go to the library. It's also good for information Got the nonfiction books And the reference section For all sorts of things, Prints and photocopying. I went to see all my family tree Turns out thousands of people are related to me Then I realised This sure beats going outside And they offer free wi-fi If you need to make Some informational enquiries Try it at the library. News and magazines and studying the local history Find your answers briskly. You can get online, But only for one hour at a time. If you need to read or update your CV, then, like me, you'll come to the library. E-books, pamphlets and audio There's still the occasional video Bookshops couldn't compete 'cause library books are all for free Gonna get some books, you know just where to look to find me, I'll be, in the library. It's my second home, I hate it when they close and finally Pry me from the library. I'll be back again as soon as they are open the next day No need to be nervous, it's a public service, Try it, at your local library.

It started when I was young. I saw Castle in the Sky. Now, fifteen years later, I'm in this for life. If you haven't seen Death Note, You don't know me at all. Don't come any nearer: I'm watching Akira. I'm an anime geek; Another weeaboo, With Hetalia DVDs, And my own Soul Gem. I'm not like other nerds. I'm more cultural. I celebrate White Day, and Bon Festival. I want you to notice, 'cause you're my senpai: I use a hard 'G' on "Evangelion". I'm an anime geek; Another weeaboo, With a worrying interest in Hatsune Miku. She's my waifu. Please only watch with subs, because... These shows should not be dubbed. Snub dub. Love subs. Anime snob. I'm gonna spend my weekend on Crunchyroll, I'll marathon Bebop, And then Usagi Drop. I'm an anime geek; An otaku. Got a kanji I can't read, Done as a tattoo. Just as keikaku.

[!] It's time for a battle now, yeah, I'll take you on. I'll win even only using Grass Pokémon. I'll keep Giga Draining so the battle is long, Or one-hit your whole team when the sunlight is strong. Go! Breloom and Shiftry. Foes, Try and predict me. (Bulbasaur) I'll throw a Leech Seed. (Ivysaur) Maybe a Seed Bomb, (Venusaur) Or whip you with vines. (Several more) You watch your back 'cause I've got my Grass-types. [GLOOM] There's always a garden in my Pokémon team. When I choose a starter it's the one that is green. You'll run from my Leafeon, Gogoat and Gourgeist. As long as you don't use Bug, Fire, Flying or Ice. No... Or even Poison. Don't... Hit me with Sludge Bomb, (Please don't) Or try a Flame Burst, (Oh, no) Please don't use Bug Bite. (Down they go) Ice Fang or Brave Bird. (Six KOs) Don't use those moves, please... Against my Grass-types. My lovely Grass-types. Oof! Take half my cash, yikes! Just... Keep off the Grass-types.

I was debating on the internet. I hadn't lost all my patience yet, But then an argument was made that got me quite upset. They tried to take me down with a dirty move. Said I was wrong, and they showed me "proof" Misrepresenting all I'd said so I would lose. It's a Strawman, waiting in a lie. He's trying to deceive and get inside our little minds. There's a Strawman, baiting your reply. If you know what it means then you can see how to survive; it's only: A diversion tactic; Don't you get distracted. Make objections at it. They can't disprove your claim so they pick on you. Ad hominem, but not even true, So if it happens let me say exactly what to do: Confront those strangers all across the world wide web, Remind them they must refute the words you said. Or, failing that, you could just call them a cock instead. It's a Strawman, waiting in a lie. He's trying to deceive and get inside our little minds. There's a Strawman, baiting your reply. If you know what it means then you can see how to survive; it's only: A diversion tactic; Don't you get distracted. Make objections at it. Strawman, waiting in a lie. Reductio ad absurdum means you'll never get it right, There's a Strawman, meant to make you cry, The arguments, I've heard 'em but all clever ones will find it's only: A diversion tactic; Don't you get distracted. If you make one, retract it.

Are we all settled in? Then we'll begin. Let's take some [SELFIES]. Hey- Look at my face. It's a face that you'd like to see. Okay- You've seen my face. Though I hid my disgusting teeth. And my arm- Is raised up high. It's an angle that guarantees, I'll minimise- My baggy eyes. Now I'll gurn like I'm still 14, take pictures! Everybody knows they're perfect 10s, if they: Learn their way around a camera lens; you just: Hold your cameraphone at full arm's reach... I'm beginning to take selfies. You- Can do the same. Your reflection will be the key. Forget the shame- It's hardly vain, To make use of technology. So glam up- And throw some shapes. Find the pose that describes you best. And show your mirror- Some trial and error. Keep the one that looks good and delete all the rest, add filters! Everybody knows the selfie way, you just: Hold your camera up and pull a face, then you: Show the internet your artistry. It's exciting to take selfies. We'll continue to take selfies.

I am the tsun, and the dere. I'm desirous but preliminarily colder. I am a Tsundere. I'm blushing when you look at me. I'll shut you out and turn away for looking at me the wrong way. I am cruel at expressing my love. Lots of characters are like this. If you are one (a tsundere), you'll deny your love and give him the cold shoulder, and you will stutter while c... calling him an idiot. You'll help him out, but quickly say: "I didn't do this for your sake". You're so cruel at expressing your love. You make situations awkward 'cause he won't ever understand the way you're punching him to show you love him, but you whine when he leaves you alone, and you rage and you moan, and you pretend not to cry 'cause you're in denial. Tsunderes are only acting out because they fear intimacy. They act cold just to make them look strong and won't admit they're wrong. I'll shut you out and turn away 'cause I'm forever tsundere. We are cruel at expressing our love. Not sure anyone can stand us.

We've got smartphones instead of brains, And we're vaping most of the day: Millennials We're living our adulthood As adolescent wrecks. See, we're the biggest layabouts since Generation X, And our whole lives Will be lived online. We've got massive holes in our ears, And some inadvisable beards, And we've little chance at careers: Millennials. Marathonning Netflix, and reading Buzzfeed lists, Communicate our feelings with animated GIFs. Social justice couriers, we'll occupy your streets, But we prefer reality TV to real reality. We're all borderlining depressed. Our economy has recessed, So we still share our parents' address: Millennials. Would you like to fund my start-up? It's a great idea. (Millennials) We do parodies of songs you haven't heard for years. I'll carry on: Millennials... We've got arbitrary degrees, And we'll never pay off the fees, But we share the dankest of memes, Millennials. Buy every vintage outfit we come by, We start to choke when there is no Wi-Fi. Protesting and rejecting your gender roles. All of our elders, we're always rude to, I hope that you'll subscribe to my YouTube. I do emoji reviews and cover songs. We've got post-ironic tattoos (Millennials), And we favour organic food (I can't even), 'cause we're far more indie than you: Millennials. And we're dosed up.

Tomb Raider, Raiding lots of tombs, And risking certain doom, sometimes. She'll shoot tigers and giant spiders, and any more creatures she happens to see. There's Lara, In her pony tail. Her foes can only fail, For she is athletic, And aesthetically pleasing to those who employ the male gaze. Tomb Raider, Archeolog-ing, And locking butlers in the fridge. But then came a quick-time event, You didn't apprehend, Another grisly end. Tomb Raider, deceased.

And now, the day is here to buy your gifts, clothes and devices It comes, just once a year. They're selling things at lower prices. But heed this one request, I've something to ask of you, if I may Please spare, a thought for those working Black Friday. They woke at 10pm and came to work so you can buy things They marked all prices down Around the shop. It's so exciting The queue goes out the door, The shop floor's increasingly untidy Well what did you expect, working Black Friday... Serving all night, and morning too, Lunchtime goes by, but we work right through, The zombies come, in large amounts, To get some stuff, at large discounts. The early bird, catches the worm, when it's Black Friday. At night, we're finally done, we'll close because, The shelves are empty. The hordes will stagger home, They've satisfied their feeding frenzy. I've worked, at double speed With not a slight increase to my pay. That's just, the way it is Working Black Friday. So think of the staff, of all the shops, The ambulance drivers and, maybe the cops They're worked to the bone, just to provide, All last year's goods, at next year's price. They'll sell it all, throughout the mall, serving Black Friday, Friday | Prices go down on Friday Everybody's hurrying down to the shopping centre. Buy things, buy things, demand their supplyings, manufactured urgency will make you violent. I need to hydrate.